Update
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Ramblings

Haven't been here in a while. Just wanted to make a quick update. I'm still 145!!! So freakin' frustrating that I haven't lost anything more. I've tried everything and it seems my body just wants to stay at this weight. Well, at least I haven't gained weight which is a miracle beacuse I've never maintained my weight loss for long. It will be 2 years in December of this year. I think it's pretty amazing in my case. So I can't complain too much. I'm still working out for an hour 3-4 times a week and of course eating only meat & eggs (and it's the way I'll eat for the rest of my life.)

Now we're thinking of having a second baby. So that means going through the process of IVF. Also means I'll gain weight which I'm terrified of. I'm thinking of doing a really low carb pregnancy. My first pregnancy was an excuse to eat junk and just not being healthy. I ended up having gestational diabetes and they had to keep testing my blood sugar. So this time no junky carbs or sugar and lots of exercise. Should be easy since I've been eating this way for a while now. I wish I would've known then what I know now.

Still keepin' on
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: inches lost
Well I haven't lost any weight. I really haven't weighed myself recently either because it's very frustrating, discouraging & upsetting to see the same number day after day, even though I'm working out and sticking to my plan. BUT... I am losing inches AND my arms are shaping up nicely so, that makes me happy and gives me hope. Also I feel great. I have energy and I'm feeling pretty and sexy for once in my life. I started to buy some clothes for summer and vacation and I still get surprised when a medium size shirt fits me and I'm also fitting into 9/10 jeans! I wish I could lose more fat before I go on vacation though. My sister's wedding is also around that time and I want to look good in a nice dress for the pictures. Espeically since the dress won't be black! LOL! I'm really trying not to hide behind black anymore. This summer will see me in a rainbow of colors! LOL! I'm just a little worried about how I'll eat during vacation because I tend to cheat while I'm away. But this time I'm really not going to let hubby lead me astray. He always says, "Relax, have some pizza, you're on vacation!".  Yes, I just have to remind myself that if I eat that poison, I'll get out of ketosis and I'll gain weight. I'll get eggs & meat at the market and I'll be good. I won't get any workouts done but I'll swim, walk and I'm taking my wrist weights to walk with sometimes. Maybe I'll get up really early in the morning and jog on the beach (the week that we'll be right on the beach :-) I can't wait! 

145
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Weight
I am now 145. It's taken me almost 5 months to break through this plateau. I was beginning to think that 146 was my set weight (the last time I lost weight from dieting & jogging I got down to 146 too, then thge accident happened and gained everything back). But this time I just refused to believe I was going to stay at that weight. So I tried everything: low fat, low calories (which doesn't work for me), mixing up my workouts & sometimes first thing in the morning on empty stomach, upping my fat & lowering my protein (which definetly works for me), and cutting out my low carb desserts. If I wanted a treat I had 1 square dark chocolate which is better than eating a whole low carb cheesecake! My goal is still 130 but I may have to change it if I don't like how I look. The look I'm going for is lean but well toned and yet still curvy. So this may mean 125 or it may mean 135 so I don't know yet. But I do know that I want this summer to be the summmer that I wear a bikini.

Still keeping on!
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Challenge

It's been a while that I haven't written here. ALOT has happened since I last wrote. Remember my dizziness that I've been experiencing the last few months? Well I founf out what's been causing it. The glaucoma eye drops that were prescribed to me in October! I was having all the side effects of those drops and it didn't occur to me because I didn't read the side notes that came with the medicine. Lesson learned! I stopped taking then immediately. Now, the worst of my dizziness is gone. I can walk safely outside now. But I still feel like it permanantely damaged me somehow. I have to get a check up to make sure everything's ok. What else? I haven't lost anymore weight. I've hit a plateau and I'm desperately looking for ways to break through it. Right now I'm upping my fat, taking in less protein, (still no carbs), and mixing up my workouts with circuit training. My challenge this week is to do 5 days of workouts. 3 down, 2 more 2 go! I'm going to try to challenge myself with something every week. YES! Got get myself psyched up for these challenges and to keep pushing myself. The vision I have of myself after I lose weight and get toned is: slim but curvy, toned yet a little muscle definition, long brown hair w/ highlights, tanned and healthy, coming out of the water at the beach, all eyes on me. Not because I'm fat but because I'm sexy & gorgeous! LOL! You gotta have a vision right? Well, my meal plan for today is 2 fried eggs in c/o with corned beef, blk coffee for breakfast, scrambled eggs or tuna for lunch, steak for dinner. Yum!

Poisoned by artificial sweetners?
Mood:  blue
Topic: Ramblings
I've been using liquid Stevia in my lemon juice every morning for the past 2 months. Only 3 drops makes it sweet enough. I first heard about it in the forum where people were raving about it, so I thought I'd try it. They said it's way safer than Splenda and has 0 carbs. Now I'm suspecting maybe it's the reason for my maladies now. I searched on the internet on the side effects of Stevia and the only thing I found is that it may lower your blood pressure, so you may feel lightheaded or dizzy. But I took my blood pressure yesterday with my blood pressure machine and I was normal. I previously thought it was potassium loss but like I said before, I've been doing this woe for over a year, so why this illness now? So I think I may have been poisoned. I also use Splenda. I use the powder form when I bake and I use the individual packets in my coffee sometimes or shakes. Now there's a million of websites about the dangers of Splenda but not about Stevia. Could it be the Splenda? Oh, I also drink about 2 diet Pepsi's a day. I still feel dizzy and have difficulty walking. For this New Year I'm going to quit the diet Pepsi, and artificial sweetners. I hope it's not too late for me. And I hope I get better.

New Program for new year
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: carb cycling

Still feeling a little dizzy, but a little better. I decided to do carb cycling. I was reading about it in the forum and it seems to get the weight moving down for some people. Since I've been stalled for almost  2 months, and now this potassium loss, and no energy whatsoever, I came to the conclusion I should do this new woe. I'll be doing 3 days carb up and 4 days down, which will still be m & e. The carb up days will be no more than 50-60 grams carbs and it will not be junky carbs. I will have veggies, fruits, dairy, nuts and seeds. I may have a cheat day on Sundays. My exercise program is going to change too. I'll be doing cardio only one day, circuit training next, weights only next, and again cardio. Hopefully this will get things moving again. And I also hope my health will improve with this new woe. It's no fun if you're feeling lousy and have no energy. I'm scared to death that I'll end up gaining weight but I have to try this. I want to be slim but I want to feel good too.

In other news, my sis and her family are coming on Christmas eve becuase they're going to her SIL's for Christmas and they live too far to go to both families. We're making dinner and I'll probably have some of it, don't know yet. I'll also be making some sugar cookies for the kids. On second thought, maybe I can make a no sugar version with splenda. I have to get a recipe. Also the website that I bought my dresses informed me that they received my check and they'll be sending out my dresses in 5 to 7 business days. Maybe I'll get them by New Year's Eve (not that I'm going anywhere, but sis thought it would be fun to dress up. So did I.) If not, then definitely before January 6th, which is when we'll go to Atlantic City. I'm wondering if I'll fit into them. They're both a size 12. But I'm bloated right now with pms and I started eating carbs again. Don't know what will happen.

Potassium deficiancy?
Mood:  down
Topic: Ramblings

For the past month I've been losing my balance, feeling dizzy when I get up, and my left leg is not coordinated with my body. I didn't really get worried until this week when I still have these symptoms and it's not improving. I had read somewhere before about potassium loss because of a low carb diet so I looked up some more info on the net. It seems to be what I have, all the symptoms are the same. And I've been doing m & e for about over a year now. I bought some potassium supplements and I'm going to increase my water intake. There are foods also high in potassium but they're also high in carbs. But maybe I can have them in small amounts (like broccoli, spinach, avocado and almonds). I don't want to take in more carbs and start gaining weight again. But lets see how this goes. I hope it works. When I'm doing my workouts it's not a good thing to lose your balance or miss the step or floor because your left leg isin't getting the message. It's pretty scary. I've been taking my multivitamin everyday since I started this woe but I guess it's not enough. When in ketosis, I do unrinate alot and I guess alot of nutrients and potassiium get flushed out. But the thing is, I was feeling great up until this month! I hope it's nothing else.

In other news, tomorrow is DH's Christmas party at his job. He wants us to go. I really don't want to. We didn't go last year (the baby & I). But DH keeps telling us to go. His boss is an ass$%!@. We went to the party in 2005 and the baby started crying while they were giving out awards and his boss responded really nastily to my surprise. So that's why I don't want to go but DH keeps insisting. DH also works very hard and he's never late or calls out sick, and he works overtime when they ask him to. But he still hasn't recieved the employee of the year award. I hope he gets it this year. He deserves it. If I knew he was getting it then I would go. Also a little part of me wants to go just to get dressed up and go somewhere. I am bored to death and I can't stand winter. I'm trying to stay focused on this woe but it's so freaking hard right now.

Silver heels & chinese food
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: Cheats

We went to the mall again today cuz DH wanted to return some stuff. I agreed to go along (even though the weather was horrendous) because I always get something for me. Shopping really is fun when you're slimmer! I bought 2 silky shirts, a bunch of silky thigh highs (sooo sexy) and finally some silver heels that I've been wanting to get. Just to have them in my new collection of things I always wanted to get. I might wear them when we go to Atlantic City in January or even New Year's eve. Also wanted to mention that I'm not invisible anymore. Alot of men's head were turning my way today. I always noticed that when I go above 150 lbs, I'm invisible. LOL!

On another note, I'm confessing to cheating today. Started out the day good but after shopping we came home starving and decide on chinese food. I had chicken fried rice and broccoli w/chicken and an egg roll. I got soooo sleepy afterwards. And disgusted with myself! How will I ever get to 130 if I keep cheating? I hope the damage is not too bad. Hope I didn't get kicked out of ketosis. I noticed that a few hours later I was hungry again. That's what I get for eating all those carbs! I made some ricotta cheese and sf strawberry jam "oatmeal" and some diet Pepsi. Tomorrow I gotta get back to meat & eggs!

2 little black dresses
Mood:  down
Topic: Rewards

I've been planning on buying some dresses to reward myself for losing weight and sticking to this wol for the longest time now (I think for over a year now). I went to the mall a couple of times while Christmas shopping, and didn't find anything I liked, or some didn't fit right. So I looked online and I found some really cute dresses and the prices weren't bad! DH thinks it's not a good idea to buy online cuz you can't feel the material and you can't be sure it fits right. He has a point, but I like the ease of ordering online and they have a bigger selection, plus you don't have to deal with snobby sales girls or cashiers. Yesterday we passed a store around our neighborhood that had some dresses on display, so DH and I went in to look. We asked one of the girls if they had one of the dresses in large and she gave me a quick look, looked at the sizes really fast and said "NOPE, only MEDIUM." I still don't know if it's my imagination or if all these places discriminate anybody above a size 8. I hate it. I hate feeling like I have leprosy or something when I want to buy clothing. Of course, I'm trying my best to get down to a size 8. Don't know if it will happen. But I want to get to a place that I will finally be happy with myself and not care what other people think. *sigh*

Anyway, I'm pretty excited about the dresses. One is a halter wrap style dress with longer sleeves, the other is a sleeveless cocktail dress. I'm not proud of my arms yet but it's a great motivator to have my arms look great in that dress. After I ordered those dresses, they put some new ones up that were just gorgeous! I plan to buy more for my anniversary & birthday. Hopefully I'll have a job by then also because DH is driving me nuts complaining about my shopping. I never bought nice things for myself before because I was overweight, depressed, and just didn't care how I looked. I was comfortable in my tees and jeans and sneakers. But now, I want to feel feminine and look good and feel good about myself. That's something DH just refuses to understand. But I'm going ahead with my plan to build a nice wardrobe, (would you believe I never owned an eveing purse! Now I have 2) which will includes cute shoes, bags & accessories, jewelry, and anyhting else I can think of to look good. Dh will just have to get used to it!

Inches Lost
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: inches lost

This morning I woke up feeling a little slimmer. Not in weight but in inches lost. I'm bloated right now cuz I'm pmsing, but I decided to take out the measuring tape. Here are my measurments now compared to when I first started:

• Weight: 169    Now: 146
• Chest: 42"       Now: 39"
• Waist: 40"       Now: 32"
• Hips: 43"          Now: 38"
• Arms: 13.5"      Now: 12.5"
• Thighs: 23"       Now: 20"

I want my chest to go down to at least 36", and my waist in the low 20's. My arms look like it didn't go down much (exactly 1 inch) but I have muscle now and it's starting to look good. My thighs need to go down way more. I don't know exactly how many inches but I want slim thighs. My dream measurements are: 36-23- 36. So I need to go down 3 inches in my chest, 9 inches in my waist, and onlly 2 inches on my hips. The waist is the challenge. Don't know if I can make it cuz in my family we don't have tiny waists...we're all really thick waisted! But if I can make it to at least 25, I'll be happy! Below are 2 of my fave ladies that had the measurments I want.